Having a Baby. Apparently, it's difficult.

This is my first blog. However, I have avidly read other people's blogs for quite some time and have seen the perfect baby life. Moms on blogs post pictures of their day and apologize for the folded laundry basket in the background. Man, they fold their laundry! That's great.

When I first had my baby, I'm not gonna lie - I felt like he would kind of fold into our lives and our schedule might change a little. Little did I realize that I would actually want my baby to go to bed at 7 pm and wake up at 7 am. Which means that I get home from work, play with my baby for like 5 minutes, and put him to bed at 7, and then eat dinner, do the dishes, clean my house, and try to have a few minutes talking with Brian (or watching Scandal...). 

It's hard. Being a mom is the biggest challenge ever. Sometimes it's rewarding looking at my baby and thinking that I do what I do for him. It's rewarding when we get the time to play and on weekends when we do fun things together and expose him to all of his new adventures. Other times, it doesn't feel rewarding at all. It's a lot of work and the selfish part of me is wondering where time went in that day and why I didn't spend a lot of it with him because I was at work all day long. I don't feel rewarded at the end of a day where we get home late, he cries, and then goes to bed. It doesn't feel "worth it" in those moments.

People say you won't know what it is like to have a baby until you have one. Nothing prepares you for those feelings of extreme guilt, and extreme happiness, and extreme sleep deprivation. Honestly, nothing does. It's such a different world being a parent. It's great and tough and it sucks all rolled into one. But one thing is true: I wouldn't change it for the world.